Post-it in the fridge.

My dad is a people person. You can bring him into any social situation and he will be able to: 1) carry a conversation 2) instantly make a handful of new friends 3) leave everyone laughing.

He’s a good guy & a wonderful dad – I really lucked out.

So I’m chatting with him about my god awful ordeal that happened last week :

Right before I went up to present a 2 hour training to a room full of people I decided to go to the bathroom. (I thought that was a good call, right?) WRONG.

Don’t be alarmed. It’s not what you’re thinking.  It’s probably worse.

My fly came apart. The whole thing, it just fell apart. The actual part you zip up and down was in my hand. I was staring at it, examining it for a minute – how could this happen?  This particular day I also decided to wear my throw back 8^th grade graduation shirt from 2001 that has shrunk a great deal overtime, leaving the bottom of it laying right above my fly – what luck do I have. After freaking out for about 15 minutes I was able to get a sweater from a friend which buttoned at the bottom and covered the area if I hunched my back over in a certain way.

I facilitated looking like the hunch back of Notre Dame. It was fine, I survived.

So I tell my dad this,  he's laughing and then he gets a big grin on his face; "Mal, I have a story for you, you’re gunna die."

 So here is my dad’s tale, as he would tell it (or as close as I can):

“So I was spending way too much money on lunch every week, so I decided to go to the grocery store and stock up on some ingredients that I could make lunch with. I bought bagels, ham, lettuce and tomatoes - the works. I woke up extra early to make this delectable bagel sandwich for lunch. It was HUGE. I put it into a zippy, put it in my bag and went to work. I got there at about 6am and I realized, I probably shouldn’t leave it out, I should defiantly refrigerate it. I opened the work fridge and neatly placed my sandwich bagel with all the other lunchboxes.

I dreamed about eating lunch the whole day. Once 11:30 rolled around I opened the fridge ….but something was TERRIBLY wrong: my sandwich was not where I left it. I took everything out of the fridge - - IT WASN'T THERE! I was FUMING mad. I put it in a CLEAR Zippy Bag! Someone did this on purpose, knowing that it was someone else’s sandwich: it could NOT have been a mistake. Can you even BELIEVE someone would do that? “– My dad (ish)

My reaction: Are you shitting me! This is just plain evil. Someone saw that sandwich, snatched it up and indulged. How rude! My dad even went to the lengths the next day to put a post-it in the fridge that read: “Missing sandwich”. Just so the schmuck KNOWS that he KNOWS. He’s also been spreading this story around like wildfire at work hoping that the ass overhears the story and feels like an ass.

What would you do? This was a suggestion from my dad’s friend: Make the same sandwich and put laxative in it, then you will surely know who the culprit is.

Who knew people went to such lengths to eat lunch? And who knew that flies CAN indeed just fall apart?

AH, the mysteries of life.