I stood next to the rotisserie chicken

How I survived on 9 dollars this week:

Let’s re-cap this week shall we? I realized on Monday that I had exactly 9 dollars to my name. My gas tank was two lines away from empty and the only food I had in my possession included: peanut butter, saltines, oatmeal and Emergen-C.

Monday: Thankfully I had an event for my lovely job. This means that they feed us, which is very nice of them. I got there early, naturally, to get my free T-shirt and mow down on the goods. I consumed 2 bagels and 1 delicious Boston Kreme donut at breakfast as well as 2 pieces of pizza for lunch. I was getting ready for the week before me. Time to bulk up. I guzzled coffee and soda until my stomach was bloated and I had to unbutton the top of my pants for the ride home. This is great I thought; this will certainly fill me for the long hall.

Tuesday: I ate one packet of oatmeal for breakfast and 2 packets of Super Orange Emergen-C plus a huge cup of coffee. Thank god for free coffee at work. By lunch time I was famished. I looked in my green eco bag to see my reliable jar of Jiffy peanut butter and standard CVS brand saltines. Welp, this will have to do. I made 6 small cracker sandwiches and lined them up three on one side, three on the other. Nice. I ate them one by one trying to eat slowly to savor the flavor but by doing this it made me feel sick. Too much peanut butter, too much saltine, too much, help. I ate like 5 spoonfuls of disgusting soup for dinner and I forced myself to sleep.

Wednesday: Good morning oatmeal bowl, 2 Emergen-C packets and my trusty cup of coffee, I love you. By lunch I was not even a human. I NEEDED a special treat. I found out that a woman in the office was selling Girl Scout cookies. This is where the dilemma began. I know I only have 9 dollars for the week, but when will I get the chance to purchase GIRL SCOUT COOKIES? This is a once in a lifetime opportunity I told myself, I handed over the 4 dollars and shoved the 5 dollar bill in my pocket. I took a bite of my first Somoas of the season (I am still going to call them that even though my box called them “Caramel deLights”, which is bullshit by the way) and instantly knew I made the right decision.  I ate about 6 more throughout the day and at one point was dancing in the isle of my cubical with two in both hands jumping up and down. These are seriously good cookies and I highly suggest everyone go buy a few boxes.

What you ask could top those cookies? My dinner. That’s right; my roommate (who I call Kato) decided she would cook dinner. Can you believe my luck? To have a roommate that would cook and then let me enjoy some of the yum yums? So we went off to the grocery store. I stood next to the rotisserie chicken to indulge in the smell and to get warm while Kato was an adult and gathered the food. While we were there I realized I had some bran cereal (gross I know) I could eat for the rest of the week if I bought milk, I bought the small one for about 2 bucks, perfect, now I still had two dollars for gas, excellent! Things are really working out! I ate a delicious dinner.  I felt like I was in Hook in the food fight scene (I did not throw food at Kato, don’t worry) but it was the most beautiful feast I could have ever imagined. The colors of the veggies, the magical rice pilaf, the delectable Buffalo Chicken…..yes I did capitalize it, because this Buffalo Chicken is considered royalty to me and my stomach and might be the reason why I survived this week. Big shout out to Kato for saving my life.

Thursday: What’s up oatmeal bowl, get in my belly 2 Emergen-C packets. I consumed my coffee too, it was delicious, a Hawaiian Hazelnut brew, oh my god. Awesome.  At lunchtime I consumed more cookies, I couldn’t even look at my jar of peanut butter but my stomach was growling, I had to consume some substance. So I decided that I should just pound coffee. I did this. I then had so much energy after work that I was able to get my 3 mile run in. On my way home I had to stop to fill up my tank (with two dollars). “Um, yeah, 2 dollars of regular please”. Yikes!  After the run I felt weak and tired, I ate a bowl of bran cereal (ew) and finished off my girl scout cookies (so sad they are gone) and then called it a night.

Friday:  I woke up and my stomach was demanding food. I got to work and looked through my car until I found a handful of dimes; I went into work and did the same in my desk. I found 3 dollars in dimes. Sweet victory, a bagel is in my future.  I bought that everything bagel with plain cream cheese and counted out those dimes, one by one building dime towers. I felt like the little boy and his sister in Aladdin when they receive the stolen bread, I felt unbelievably grateful, probably as grateful as the Natives & Pilgrims on that first Thanksgiving (I get it now).

I get paid today, so my lifestyle will change. I might even fill up my gas tank later, buy a loaf of bread, the opportunities are not endless, they are limited, but life is good.

(Note: I was slightly food deprived while I wrote this post.)