Did I mention his wife was a legit hillbilly?

Reasons why I am the Hunchback of Cambridge:

1) I decided to attempt to run a 5k after not running since July.

2) During the race I managed to:

• Step on a dead squirrel
• Get passed by a man wearing jeans who was carrying a flannel in one arm and a bottle of Nantucket Apple Juice in the other. (Yes that is a glass bottle.)
• Used my inhaler 6 times.
• Was running as fast as two walkers wearing UGGS.

3) After the race I decided to participate in some of the activities which entailed:

• A weathered DJ that could have been casted for The Wedding Singer and his hillbilly wife who wanted us all to participate in the chicken dance, which is great. It brings me back to my prime years of Roller Kingdom, ah I could go for a Ronnie’s Slushy (blue raspberry) and remember Big Bertha? Laser tag? Ah, to be in 5th grade again.
•  Anyways, the problem was the way he asked us to gather around for the dance, it went something like this, “Hey everyone, make a circle around my hot wife.” I’m not even kidding, those words were spoken.  Did I mention this fund-raising run/event was for children? Did I mention his wife was a legit hillbilly? Have some class DJ, there are children & families present. Pull yourself together. Jeeez!
• In any case, Lull and I joined the others around the “hot wife” and moved our limbs around to the song. Once again, the DJ crossed the line: when it got to the part where you need to move your bottom the DJ screams “Now shake your butt!” Are you kidding me? You are so inappropriate.You disgust me DJ, you and your "hot wife."

4)  After running in the race and feeling awkward about what happened during the chicken dance I decide that the best thing to do is to go to my friend’s house and continue to exercise my dance skills to excessive 90’s hits.

• So if you see me, don’t be alarmed. I am fine, my muscles will heal, but I will never be able to think of the chicken dance as a childhood past time, I will now have it intertwined with the dirty DJ and his “hot wife.”

  

“Now shake your butt!”

  

Big shout out to Lull, Paul & Taylor, who all beat me in the race. You are all athletic.

Love,

  The Hunchback of Cambridge