No more ginger ale. It’s October now, thank god. I only drink things that have the word pumpkin, spice or cider in them. October is the month of bliss. It’s also the month I was born. Perhaps that’s why I love it? Or maybe it’s because people are allowed to be silly on Halloween. I really like when people are silly. Anyways, down to business: I have a mixed bag of goods for you fine people, it’s like a trick or treat bag really, some are classic, reliable like your go-to Cherry Blow Pop, some really cute like the Ring Pops and Candy Necklaces, some things made my face look like I just ate a War Head and some just straight up gross, like Sliced Fruit “Candies” (the jelly ones…ewwww).
Ring Pops and Candy Necklaces: I am sitting in the window seat and we are pulling up to Natick. I’m surprised at how athletic everyone is in Natick. People are straight up sprinting for the train like its Field Day and they were specifically chosen to represent their class for this event. It’s a Manic Monday and everyone has dark bags under their eyeballs. As spectators inside the train, we all naturally turn our baggy eyeballs to the runners: everyone is doing great, what stamina they have. Then I find my cute, my Ring Pops and Candy Necklaces of the day: I see a couple, or maybe they are friends….a man and a woman and they are holding a big package together, its rectangle shaped and really long. They are both holding it in the crevasse of their elbows while they trot together in perfect unison for the train with Crest commercial smiles and Hollywood slow motion laughter where they slow it down just when the women and man’s eyeballs catch each other. It was beautiful. My Grandmother (Hi Grammy!) and cousins ( Hi cousins!) dogs were sisters: Lily and Shara and they used to run together like this with sticks in their mouths and we would all sit on the porch and adore their cuteness, they were definitely Ring Pops and Candy Necklaces, the absolute epitome of cuteness: both the dogs and the humans.
Cherry Blow Pops: I spotted someone so classic and timeless on the commuter rail coming home one day. Boys may not agree (I'm sorry). I spotted Samantha from American Girl Dolls, but in human form. She was wearing the exact dress. Checkered maroon on white dress. She even had a red belt. Almond eyeballs, tan skin, dark brown hair swept back with none other than: a ribbon, a red ribbon. Who even wears ribbons anymore besides cheerleaders? Only legit American Girl Dolls (in human form). Black tights. Black shoes. It FREAKED me out a little. But I totally respect her. Myself, I had Kirsten and I still think she was the best (mostly because she looked the most like me), but Samantha is legit, she was one of the first three. Anyways, it was my Cherry Blow Pop throwback, I thought to myself: oh good'ol Samantha, it's refreshing to see you out and about. Good for Samantha.
War Heads: So I'm on the commuter rail, and I see this petite oriental women reading her Nook discretely. Or at least she was trying to, she sat in the corner almost facing the window. But I noticed her. This women has rather large eyeballs, I have large eyeballs also, so I know she can't hide her emotions well, because I can't either. I want to know so badly what book this women was reading. Every 10 seconds on a cycle her lips squished together as if she had just ate a blue raspberry War Head, she would then bring her hand up and place it over her mouth, her eyes would bulge and then she would shake her head as if she was disgusted by what she had just read. At one point she slapped the Nook down on her lap, as if to say: "I'm done with you!" But she would always go back. Her relationship with that Nook is exactly how I feel when I eat War Heads. I always go into it thinking YES, I can't wait this is going to be awesome, then I pop it in the mouth and: I make the lemon face, cover my mouth, my eyeballs bulge and then I shake my head. I probably have even hit the bag down on my lap one or two times. But I always go back too lady. You are not alone petite oriental woman, you are not alone. I never was able to identify what book she was reading, that's something I will have to live with I guess.....but if I had to guess I bet it was Twilight. And I bet she's a Jacob fan. Shits crazy.
Sliced Fruit “Candies” (the jelly ones…ewwww): So I made it to Back Bay, time to unwind, maybe even have a special treat, why not? I'm almost 25. Yikes I better live it up. I thought I was going to loose my soul when I turned 20, ask my friends I was really scared. I had a conversation with a friend about what might happen when I turn 25. He told me that I will start hating candy and loving raisins. Obviously this means my whole personality is going to change; I will transform into another human. A strange human. One who doesn't like candy. How terrible. This is terrifying for me to even think about. This was on my mind as I walked into the convenient store to purchase a Reese's. Yes, what a lovely end to my day I thought. I will get to the boarding line early, I will get a window seat, I will devour my Reese's. Perfect.
Everything was going as planned as I stepped onto the train, second person to board, boo-yaa! Then I noticed: all the freaking seats were taken. "Were sorry for the inconvenience we are missing 4 cars this evening." Great! Grand! Wonderful! I walked down the isle, and once I finally elbowed my way through the grumpy people I found an area. An "area", this is a nice way of saying: I sat on the floor. Yes, I did. I know, Sliced Fruit "Candies" (the jelly ones....eewwww). Disgusting. My hands touched the floor. Now I can't eat my Reese's. I look around and all I can really see is the man sitting down to my lefts shoe which is dangling in my face almost as close as the man's belly fat in September (gross). A suede shoe. A tan suede shoe. This man kept changing what leg he would perch on his thigh. And each time I had to bob my head away from his stupid suede shoe. This is the moment when I decided I will never trust a man with suede shoes. I don't even care if they are blue. Never again.
As I scan the people hunched over in awkward positions in order not to touch each other I spot a girl eating a special treat in the window seat, I envy her until I realize she is eating none other than Sliced Fruit "Candies"(the jelly ones...ewww). How gross. At this point I was looking for some hope, some sign that humanity is good. I look over and I see a guy reading a Star Wars book. Ah finally someone with good taste around here. There is the silver lining in all this. I text my friend about this. I feel a lot better. Grown men reading Star Wars, thank you god. Good, honest people still exist. I got home I wash my hands. I enjoyed my Reese's for dinner. It was delicious.
October is really looking up, thank you Star Wars man. Thank god for you.
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