Someone's belly fat should never graze your ear.

I decided to chronicle my experiences as I commute to Cambridge from my humble home in the suburbs. I decided this after I encountered several interesting and awkward situations. Let me get you caught up, here is an overview of August:


1) Who has four single dollars or four dollars in change just laying around to park their car at the commuter parking lot? And why doesn't anyone warn you? Not even the trusty website. I left my car without paying and had my poor mom go back to cram four dollar bills into a metal slit.


2) The first person I sat next to on the commuter rail was a man who from the exterior seemed like a nice, clean businessman. Someone you would want to shake hands with. Five minutes pass and the nice clean business man with grey hair proceeded to pick his nose. Not a casual pick, not an itch, a full on knuckle dig. I did not want to shake his hand now. I wanted him to stop. And it wasn't only for a minute. It was for thirty minutes. Straight. Until he got off at the Newton stop. He wiped his gold on his pants gathered his slimy bag and slithered off the commuter rail. Now my first reaction was I'M GOING TO GAG. Then I smiled - wow, I must make him feel pretty comfortable, but then.. OR MAYBE my opinion just doesn't matter to him. Either which way, it was disgusting and I highly advise everyone using public transportation to invest in hand sanitizer and think twice about shaking people's hands.


3) The Asian boy wearing sunglasses who starred at me the whole ride to Northeastern. Or were you sleeping? That was creepy.


4) The time I ran into my friend and teammate whom I hadn't seen in 10 years only to get screamed at by a women "Are you going to talk THAT LOUD the WHOLE train ride?"


5) When I was walking down Cambridge Street thinking, I am well adapted to city living, I'm like Felicity, I even cut my hair and now I'm walking in high heels to get a coffee. As I was walking with my confidence and my short hair flowing only as much as a Sims character I spotted a pigeon. It was in the middle of the road and a car was coming. (No! OMG, stay cool.) I continued to walk when something very strange happened. The pigeon flew right into my hip. Not grazed me. He flew into me. A pigeon flew into my side.


6) The time I fell in love with the Purdy (a boy I once fancied when I lived in the mountains) look alike and then saw him again later that day in a glass elevator and he looked like one of those untouchable dolls they case in glass boxes so girls like me can't touch them.


7) I saw a man walking to the commuter rail with a huge grin who had flowers in his hand


8) I was sitting on the red line, which for some reason does not smell, has AC and you usually are guaranteed a seat - all are very rare. Luckily for me I got to sit next to a couple. The female sitting on the seat and the man standing up in front of her. My elbow is grazing the females arm my face is almost touching the males stomach. We are in very close quarters here. I'm staying cool. Like Felicity would. I have short hair. I can do anything. The female pushes the male’s stomach "Is this your belly button?!" (As if she was talking to a baby) Now remember my face is ALREADY almost touching this stranger’s stomach right? So can you guess what happened when she pushed in his belly button? Yes. This man’s belly fat grazed my ear.


9) Speaking of body parts grazing each other. I caught the express commuter rail home which is basically a nice way of saying you will be standing up, you will be touching someone, it will smell and you might end up talking to someone with bad breath. Most of these things did not happen to me this day. Two of them did. First of all: I had to stand up. Now due to my lack of core strength I am a very awkward stander on the train but since I am (or was) a soccer player I have a good stance. Not good enough. All it took was a sharp turn and there I was, IPod playing "You and I" by Lady GaGa ( I listen to that on repeat), one second  -I'm mouthing the words and tapping my toe, the next I have sat on a man’s lap. Dammit.


10) I did give a dollar to a homeless man who explained to me he just wanted whiskey. In his defense it was a very cold rainy day.


11) I have seen two people that I SWEAR were people I knew. (They were strangers.) I awkwardly muffled to one that he looked like one of my friends. It was one of those times where half way through it coming out of my mouth I could not even BELIEVE I was saying it.


12) I will leave you with a final smile. This one made my day. After falling up the stairs because I don't have rain boots and I'm uncoordinated and after a lady literally guiding me up the stairs with her hand on my back (thanks lady) I get to the top and there is a beautiful yellow lab with a police officer. A dog! I know dogs, I get them! "Can I pet your dog!?" He let me, his name was Bruce, he was 7 years old. He loves getting his belly rubbed. Cody was so jealous when he smelt that I had been cheating on him with city dogs. I did feel guilty, but then I gave him a Chez-it and everything was back to normal.