Ginger ale with crushed ice.

1)      The commuter rail got me sick. How do I know? Because I do. Because business men pick their nose and then they sit next to me. Or maybe it was stress induced because I was going to “The Dunkin Donuts Relay” too much. In any case, the commuter rail got me sick. And then I had an asthma attack…..AT WORK. In my CUBE. I’m okay, don’t panic. The hospital was really very glamorous. They gave me ginger ale with crushed ice. Now that is living. My dad also bought me a milkshake that day. A triple chocolate one.

2)      Since I was sick I wasn’t commuting via rail like I usually do so my apologizes for the shortness and lack of juice-ness. I can tell you about a few things and these few things are pretty big things, with lessons, important lessons, so listen up:

A-     I learned that dogs can tell when something’s wrong. Cody was sitting on my foot when I got home from the hospital. He looked at me like “Mal, are you okay? I can’t believe dad bought you a milkshake.” And I looked at him and said out loud: “Cody, I’m fine, thanks. And dad always gives you treats.” Lesson: Not feeling well? Go sit with a dog. (And I don’t mean your dawg, I mean a real animal.)

B-      On one day that I took the commuter rail home I sat next to a lady who had a HUGE bouquet of flowers. At first I was hesitate; should I ask? Does she want me to ask? Would I want to be asked? Then I realized I had 20 minutes until the train came and I went in for the kill:

“Those are beautiful flowers!” I YELLED (and it echoed).

“Oh yeah, these.” She said from behind the sunflower sharply as she sucked in her cigarette smoke. I thought, yes those! Those big flowers you are hiding behind and your smoke is bellowing out of like some kind of smoke machine for the little bugs who are living in there.

“I made this.” She said as a follow up to her blunt statement. Now we’re getting somewhere!

“Oh cool, is that what you do for a living!?” Why do I always yell at people? I wondered this as my voice echoed again off the concrete walls.

“Yes I do.”

 “That’s great!” I said again way too excitedly.

Then she walked away to the next bench.

Ouch. I just got ditched by the flower lady. I really thought we had something flower lady, a connection or at least potential for a 20 minute conversation.  

Lesson I learned: I need to talk quieter and seem less interested. I need to play hard to get with strangers. Note taken.  

 Lesson for all: If you want to be approached by strangers bring flowers with you everywhere.

C-   Biggest lesson I learned in September: Tell those you love that you love them often, remind yourself how blessed you are with each day.

D-     That’s it, I told you – just a few lessons:  Dogs, Flowers & Love. What more do you need?

Cake for breakfast popsicles for dinner.

This is a snap shot of a nice man. Just living his life. Waiting for the Orange line, wondering what he will eat for dinner. Taco’s or maybe steak or baked beans. At least that’s what I was doing while I stood next to him, it was dinner time and here I was in Boston waiting for that angelic glow behind him to scoop me up and bring me to the commuter rail.


Let’s do a little reverse action shall we? Let me bring you back about ten hours from the steak and taco thought bubbles. It’s about seven fourteen in the morning and I haven't even eaten breakfast yet. I am boarding the commuter rail:


1) There is always that group of people that congregate at the tables. In the case of my morning commute it is a group of females. They throw their purses, water bottles, umbrellas and sometimes their bodies across all of the surrounding seats when you walk by. They will scowl at you if you even glimpse in their direction. These seats are reserved for an elite crew, or what I like to the call them, “The Mean Girls of the Commuter Rail.” If you have seen Mean Girls you know what I’m talking about, it’s that classic scenario of the lunch room where you put your head down and hurry past them, DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT. I have a plan. Next week I am going to ask to sit with them. Yes that’s right, I am going to try to pull a Lindsey Lohan and become a “Mean Girl of the Commuter Rail” because I want to know more.


  Why is the blonde obsessed with cheetah print? Umbrella, water bottle and rain boots. It looks like an actual cheetah is lying down across the two seats as her things stretch out across the blue thrones. And how in the world is steam coming off of the red head’s oatmeal? What is her secret, did they come out with hand held microwaves? Because I would invest in one. My plan:  I defiantly need to buy something with cheetah print, bring a bag of popcorn, dye my hair red and pretend I am Lindsey Lohan.


2) I get bored with the Mean Girls conversation about Kim Kardashian’s wedding. Who cares if she looked short next to her NBA basketball playing husband? As I put my headphones on, “You and I” is playing. I look around and squint at the poster above me. “Simplify your Schedule” and I shit you not this is what it has on it:

• A picture of a barefoot
•  Followed by a picture of the foot with a sock on it
• And then another picture with the sock foot in a boot.
• With the word “Vermont” in italics.

  Now I instantly am worried about Vermonters. COME ON. THAT IS NOT ENOUGH TO FILL YOUR DAY. You can’t just put your boot on and check off your Saturday- that is no way to live your life, plus you didn’t even consider booting up your foot on the other leg! I believe in you Vermonters, you can do so much more. Then I realize above the step by step instructions on how to put on a boot there is a picture of a women looking at the view on a mountain top. Okay, phew, at least this lady climbed a mountain on her Saturday. Good use of your time. I understand now. But for a minute, I was really concerned. Rock on Vermonters and thank you for the friendly reminder of how to put my socks and boots on.


3)   I hate when I hear Dunkin’ Donuts commercials. They are false advertising all the time. They always make it clear that America is running on Dunkin’, but guess what: they don’t even have Dunkin’ Donuts in Colorado. Trust me I lived two years without it and it was brutal, you have no idea. My mouth would literally salivate just thinking about Boston Kreme Donuts and a medium French Vanilla ice coffee, milk, three splendas (don’t judge me). One thing I have learned from being in and out of so many T stations is: Boston one hundred percent does run on Dunkin’s. Yes. This is a true fact. People will grow another arm if it means they will be able to buy their usual coffee on the way to the office. I saw a man this morning holding his Dunks cup in his mouth because his arms were full.


  One thing that is special about Dunkin’ Donuts located in the T stations is that ordering your morning order becomes a relay race:

• Ordering = try-outs. You need to know exactly what you want when you are asked, if you don’t you lose. Losing means you will get a bad attitude thrown at you and most likely not what you ordered. It will also make you extremely flustered and possibly you will develop pit stains. If you make it through the try-outs you have officially made the relay race team, congrats!
• You now need to have money in one hand ready to give to the person; this is your baton for the race. Do not drop that baton or you lose. If you have made it this far you are almost at the finish line, you are doing great.
• You now need to move over to your position (run, do not walk) and wait for the person to pass you the golden baton over the finish line (your delicious morning breakfast).

  Now, I am a rookie at this relay race:


  The woman in front of me orders “Hazelnut coffee -hot, extra cream, extra sugar & a blueberry muffin.” “NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Oh my god. I am not prepared; I will never make the relay race team if I can’t even get through try-outs! What do I do?! I do what any desperate rookie at ANY try-out would do: I copy the person in front of me. “Yes, hazelnut coffee- hot, extra cream, extra sugar and a blueberry muffin.” The lady near the finish line does not even hear me say it (YEEESSSS!) As hazelnut breath leaves the finish line I grapevine over with a big grin, I have come so far I have grown so much, I am the world’s best relay racer in all the T stations! All I need to concentrate on now is the final hand off. The woman comes in my direction, the golden baton looks like the Golden Ticket in Willy Wonka and I feel just like Charlie. I smile and say thank you – she looks at me as if she were a Mean Girl of the Commuter Rail in her past life.


  This is a huge moment. It is the first time I have been a part of the relay race team and crossed the finish line. This must be exactly how the women at the world cup felt in 99’ I tell myself. I am glowing under the florescent lights and surrounded by all the other relay race winners as they proudly hold their cups. I lift mine up as if I were Brandi Chastain lifting up the World Cup.


  Then all of a sudden a rush of PURE panic waves throughout my body: wait a hot minute… I do not like cream. And everyone knows sugar is NOT as sweet as splenda. A blueberry muffin? Who am I? I sit down on the filthy bench closest to me and investigate this muffin. It looks delicious, crystals of sugar so big I can almost see my reflection.


  I take a bite. This is cake. Getting a muffin for breakfast is just like waking up and thinking: I need cake now but I can’t actually say that, so I will get cake but it will be called a muffin. This is genius. Whoever invented muffins, not only do I want to meet you, I want to marry you.


4)   I did not eat tacos, steak or baked beans for dinner. I had two popsicles: one was orange flavored and one was strawberry.

Someone's belly fat should never graze your ear.

I decided to chronicle my experiences as I commute to Cambridge from my humble home in the suburbs. I decided this after I encountered several interesting and awkward situations. Let me get you caught up, here is an overview of August:


1) Who has four single dollars or four dollars in change just laying around to park their car at the commuter parking lot? And why doesn't anyone warn you? Not even the trusty website. I left my car without paying and had my poor mom go back to cram four dollar bills into a metal slit.


2) The first person I sat next to on the commuter rail was a man who from the exterior seemed like a nice, clean businessman. Someone you would want to shake hands with. Five minutes pass and the nice clean business man with grey hair proceeded to pick his nose. Not a casual pick, not an itch, a full on knuckle dig. I did not want to shake his hand now. I wanted him to stop. And it wasn't only for a minute. It was for thirty minutes. Straight. Until he got off at the Newton stop. He wiped his gold on his pants gathered his slimy bag and slithered off the commuter rail. Now my first reaction was I'M GOING TO GAG. Then I smiled - wow, I must make him feel pretty comfortable, but then.. OR MAYBE my opinion just doesn't matter to him. Either which way, it was disgusting and I highly advise everyone using public transportation to invest in hand sanitizer and think twice about shaking people's hands.


3) The Asian boy wearing sunglasses who starred at me the whole ride to Northeastern. Or were you sleeping? That was creepy.


4) The time I ran into my friend and teammate whom I hadn't seen in 10 years only to get screamed at by a women "Are you going to talk THAT LOUD the WHOLE train ride?"


5) When I was walking down Cambridge Street thinking, I am well adapted to city living, I'm like Felicity, I even cut my hair and now I'm walking in high heels to get a coffee. As I was walking with my confidence and my short hair flowing only as much as a Sims character I spotted a pigeon. It was in the middle of the road and a car was coming. (No! OMG, stay cool.) I continued to walk when something very strange happened. The pigeon flew right into my hip. Not grazed me. He flew into me. A pigeon flew into my side.


6) The time I fell in love with the Purdy (a boy I once fancied when I lived in the mountains) look alike and then saw him again later that day in a glass elevator and he looked like one of those untouchable dolls they case in glass boxes so girls like me can't touch them.


7) I saw a man walking to the commuter rail with a huge grin who had flowers in his hand


8) I was sitting on the red line, which for some reason does not smell, has AC and you usually are guaranteed a seat - all are very rare. Luckily for me I got to sit next to a couple. The female sitting on the seat and the man standing up in front of her. My elbow is grazing the females arm my face is almost touching the males stomach. We are in very close quarters here. I'm staying cool. Like Felicity would. I have short hair. I can do anything. The female pushes the male’s stomach "Is this your belly button?!" (As if she was talking to a baby) Now remember my face is ALREADY almost touching this stranger’s stomach right? So can you guess what happened when she pushed in his belly button? Yes. This man’s belly fat grazed my ear.


9) Speaking of body parts grazing each other. I caught the express commuter rail home which is basically a nice way of saying you will be standing up, you will be touching someone, it will smell and you might end up talking to someone with bad breath. Most of these things did not happen to me this day. Two of them did. First of all: I had to stand up. Now due to my lack of core strength I am a very awkward stander on the train but since I am (or was) a soccer player I have a good stance. Not good enough. All it took was a sharp turn and there I was, IPod playing "You and I" by Lady GaGa ( I listen to that on repeat), one second  -I'm mouthing the words and tapping my toe, the next I have sat on a man’s lap. Dammit.


10) I did give a dollar to a homeless man who explained to me he just wanted whiskey. In his defense it was a very cold rainy day.


11) I have seen two people that I SWEAR were people I knew. (They were strangers.) I awkwardly muffled to one that he looked like one of my friends. It was one of those times where half way through it coming out of my mouth I could not even BELIEVE I was saying it.


12) I will leave you with a final smile. This one made my day. After falling up the stairs because I don't have rain boots and I'm uncoordinated and after a lady literally guiding me up the stairs with her hand on my back (thanks lady) I get to the top and there is a beautiful yellow lab with a police officer. A dog! I know dogs, I get them! "Can I pet your dog!?" He let me, his name was Bruce, he was 7 years old. He loves getting his belly rubbed. Cody was so jealous when he smelt that I had been cheating on him with city dogs. I did feel guilty, but then I gave him a Chez-it and everything was back to normal.